At the silence sound of the afternoon. I came back from One Utama at around 6.00pm. I drove like a mad cow. Maneuvering from one corner to another. While Nad was driving her Atos right beside me. Haha. It's been so long since all of us went out together. Though no tear was out of my eyes, but in my heart i felt sad. haih. Anyways, It felt good. Got to meet Mushira and the others too! They were having lunch at Nandos. SO, we went off for our own set of venture.
Hmm, before that, while i was waiting for Nad,Jehan,Zehan and Afiq to arrive, i called up Einhander. I was telling him about the idea i had of the joint-venture between MAA's Budimas Foundation together with SatriaNeoClub.net. The idea was then celebrated by Aunty Millie. Aunty Millie is more like a very close aunt to me. She somewhat really cares about me and my well being. As if she was my own aunt. Anyway, she said it was a brilliant idea! Maybe SNC.net might have an oppurtunity in venturing itself to the outside world eh? Who knows? Only time will tell.
After we had lunch, we went to the Curve. I felt kinda bad leaving Zae. I didnt even think that she might be alone at that time. Sorry Zae. Me and Afiq spent some quality time looking for books at Borders The Curve. Artsy Fartsy u may call it, but what the heck! We then strolled down the open aired aisle. We went to Le Cucur. Yeah, it's "Le Cucur" ! haha How french can be so 'everywhere' these days. Oui? Everytime i see any form of french language, it reminds me of Keith. Keith Aloysious Soerstz. One of my good friends in college. He can speak french. FLUENTLY! and he has a twin brother too! hmm so moving on back to my soiree. I had fresh orange juice and Afiq had coffee. Didnt know he drinks coffee. hehe
Then Afiq drove us back to One Utama. Me and Nad got back to our cars after a short hug. That was when the early part of this post came about.
This is a picture of my very good friends. haha This was taken at the Putrajaya Mosque. We were having our photography session! Was hot but was enjoyable.
Anywho, tonite i had a special guest at home. My cousin and my Aunt. Maktua and Kak Siti. From Sentul Kuala Lumpur. They came by to get some things my Grandma left a few weeks ago. Anyway, was nice to get to talk to Kak Siti again. She's already driving a car! a Kelisa Manual Ezi. She also made som jokes and made me and ira laughed the night. She was so nice to bring us Mee Goreng for dinner. I was kinda hungry at that time. Haha. So it was already 10.30. They went back home. And me, as usual, would go back to my faithful laptop and listen to music. I just found out i had a collection of violin mix songs. Haha. Anyway, then i started moving around blogspot! hehe
While listening to one of the songs, i felt a sad and emotional feat running thru my ears. A sudden cry of the violin made me 'fall'.It was somewhat telling me a story. A sad story. As if life has gave up on him/her. I know it sounds ridiculous, but yeah. I believe that through music, we can actually find our beat or rythm. Just like Mumble from Happy Feet. Tap dancing is his rythm. I wonder what could mine be. Today me n mama were talking about God and our lives. We were questioning the fact that, could it be that God lets us live because we have a job to do? I strongly believe that Allah s.w.t has His purpose in letting people live.
When i was in Madinah Al-Mukarramah, I prayed that If i was to die, i prayed to God "Please let me die here at Bukit Baqi' in Madinah". Though it wasnt answered how i wanted it to be. But i believe that God has me alive for a reason. And i still don't know what it could be. Like how mama nearly got herself killed in a car crash. It was a battle of speed and endurance between a German made 2005 BavariaMotorWelcan or BMW 3 series and the high strong walls beside the road, just before Carcosa Seri Negara. God must've helped her. I believe so. If it wasnt for her sudden shock, she wouldnt have repented and started to pray to God. And made us, the whole family fly to Saudi Arabia. And did our pilgrimage there.
Anyhow, i've been having bad dreams of late. Dreams of which i can't even remember in the end. But still bits and pieces of it is still stuck to my head. I could only remember me falling or crashing. I know it sounds very scary and sudden but yeah. What couldve triggered it. Hmm when bad dreams arise, i get scared. I didnt know who to turn to. It was night time. Who COULD i turn to? Then i thought, why not Allah. He's ever merciful. I could feel He's watching over me from everywhere. Every action i take.
I also realised that i have an inner self that actually fights me. Get it? Fights ME? haha it sounds so ridiculous that people might start to think that im crazy. But anywho, whenever i feel like im doing something wrong, a persona or something in me would halt me. Whether it was successful or no. It still made me wonder. Could it be the subconcious mind? Hmm i'd rather not talk about it. For an 18 year old. I think that, i think too much maybe. I wonder what other 18 year olds think. Maybe because i feel lost inside. Alone. And there's nothing i can do about it. But sometimes i also think that I am alright. People asking me for advice and all. I re-think and evaluate. What about me? If i am the one helping all the time. Who's going to help me? Maybe it is true what a singer sang in his song "I Walk Alone....".
College is starting soon. 15th of January. Tomorrow, saturday, im heading to CyberRia, my rental house. To clean up the mess they made. Thinking of the house just makes me ache sometimes. Zae says i love the drama too much. But for me, it's not the drama. To think that some people have the guts and wits to do certain things just pisses the hell out of me. We're no more toddlers here!! Hmm maybe it's lack of respect. Or maybe lack of understanding. I wonder.
"To err is human but to forgive is Divine"
This sentence has always been stuck to my bottom whenever i am filled with anger over someone or something.
To end tonite, I think Im gonna try and get a good nites sleep. Why not? Even Sun-Kissed from SNC said. "Get some rest. Uve been online too long" Maybe she's right. Anyway, It doesnt matter for now. I need to get my focus on track. And get my tracks placed first. If in any way i want to focus myself. Hahaha.
With the sound of this last song, i bid goodnite. Bon Soir. Bon Nuit. Arriverdecci. Chalcha. Oyasumi. Selamat Malam.
-Hilmi Ramlan
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