Love...Sick?

Hey! The weekend's gone just like that. Baffled by my friend, Amar, his works are truly astonishing. He has a mind of a creative being. and skills of a super computer. Hahahaha. Hmm i DO NOT ENVY his works. I like them. I find inspiration and truly, i am happy to see an acquaintance doing really well.

I myself haven't been slacking as well :P hehe apparently, i've started to think about the other 4 pieces of work i still need to complete for my second semester of THS. Apparently, it's a slow process and takes up your mind and soul to do it. Hahaha. Interest and Passion plays a huge role in this.

I was watching PRINCESS MONONOKE a few hours ago. After dinnner. It was breathtaking and somewhat too fantasy for me. Another accomplishment by the studio who also created Spirited Away, they have this certain technique and creation of 'monsters' and demons. hahahaha. i give them an 8/10. :)

Tomorrow is another week to start. For the people who's been asking what i meant by 7 weeks, hahaha it's the date ill go home!! and see my family and friends. God i really miss everyone. 

I havent been speaking my heart these days. I havent been really 'personal' with my blog. Personal ie: self reflected. mirror..? hahaha well, im solemnly trying to comfort myself at times and think that everything is alright. I sometimes think it's gonna end soon. But what is the end?

The end is when Allah pulls us out from this earth and call us upon Him. That would mean the end to me. Before that moment comes, ill strive and work hard for what i want and dream. 

I miss warmth. Aku rindu akan belaian. I miss the comfort which i never really had. I envy people who has comfort by their side. I feel outrageously annoyed to think of time and how time passes by. I've never actually thought of this whilst pre youth. But then again, it's all hope and faith that comes into play. I've always seemed to put a smile on my face whenever someone asks me " how r u?!" in common YOOF language, i'd just say "M FINE" thanks ;)

but am i really fine..? Truth albeit the fact it's hidden and surpasses all logic of understanding. I try not to portray emotional affection to people. Affection. I wonder what that feels like. Ive felt affection from people. Especially my parents. Oh God, i love them. 

I'm just rambling because im bored? or is it because even boredom is bored with me..? i think it's time for me to look out for myself. i always pray for the people around me. I always ask Allah to make me comfortable in whatever situation i've landed myself in. Sometimes, i just feel weak? Supposedly, a man isn't supposed to feel weak? inside nor outside. mentally speaking, i miss mental affection. 

my heart weakens and body tires when i think too much about what i want. i want. i want. it just feels like a curse. 

i want this. i want that. those. these. apparently. i'm akin to having affection and love.... wait.. did i say love? speck that away. love exists but only as a visual imagery. or is it?

i wonder why i'm complaining. i do love. love, yes i do. but felt love. feeling love. love. i've never actually pondered that long for love. does it matter if i did? what does love reckon in this. 

how my eyes have gleamed with gracious love but grieved with magnificent abomination. How love struck people in acts and thoughts. i hope Allah keep those away from me. But yes, i love to love. but loving a lover is a different love. is it not love, love?

lovely night tonight. an early warm night of spring summer breeze. How will i be loved..? How will love treat me..? For me to know later on, For you to find out. What cliché's im living in. A world full of lust and desires, but nay of peace and truth. Anyways, enough of my illiterate blabbations of utter disgust, i'd rather leave it to faith and Allah to decide what happens. :) for i leave my fate with Him. 

Love is like the earth. You venture it and receive it from many directions. Wind. Water. Fire. Earth. For love is everlasting and doesn't give grief. But who proposes love to you is the utter huge question. Question? Questioning who should love someone. Loving someone is a quest? or question? 

I leave the questions and answer sessions later on with life. I rest my thoughts tonight on a quotation:

" Love is only true when it fully blooms "

i bid farewell for the night.

Salam 

Hilmi

homesick, lovesick and heartsick.